Thursday, June 26, 2008

Life rants.

When is it time to pick up and leave? Can you leave without an ounce of money in your hands? Where would 100 dollars get you?

I can't seem to get enthused about life, life seems to be going no where. Where am I going? I've got so many dreams and wants, could I actually achieve them, I suppose is the real question.

I hate living in a place for too long its not me. I've always moved, whether it be from grandmothers to my mothers. Once Chris and I started dating and we got our own apartment, I could not find the strength to live there for too long. I think creating roots scares me, or maybe it's just I cant create those roots. I can't and don't want to be stable. I guess growing up I was never stable so, now I don't have that ability.

After speaking with a few people, maybe its time to just not create roots but a root to a place that isnt rooted down. A van. The mention of it excites me. I love to read about other peoples experiences. I want those experiences. I want that freedom. I just want to live unconventionally. I'm tired of being a typical person. That is born, graduates school, goes to college, gets married, has children, buys a house, retires, and dies. It's like a river. A river has two forks in it you can either go down the one with all the traditional stuff or you can go down the bumpy unconventional adventurous one. I've started to go down the traditional one but lately I'm trying so hard to back paddle, because I've figured this one isn't the one for me. Now now my marriage is great that is not what I'm complaining about. It's everything else that seems such bullshit. Why must one conform to life to be thought highly of? I don't think highly of those who have conformed to this bullshit system. All through school you are taught school is the only thing that will get you through life, if you don't get a college degree, you cant make it in the real world, you need to be married before you have sex(I'll speak more about this one later), money is the core of life, and if you work forever you can retire happy. So why so much heartache until you retire. Why can't you create a life, full of happiness up until the day you die? Why is so much directed toward, financial, marital, business, commercial happiness? Why is one so looked down on if they have no worries and live life as it comes?

It takes me back to a comment a family member said about an elderly hippie from lawerence who found love in a 20 something year old female. And how the guy is crazy, because he is always dancing, around the university, and just having fun. Well he has found love but everyone thinks it's weird, because he is an old free loving elderly man, and this girl is a young free loving girl. I just feel that this man was being looked down on because of who he was, and he did not conform to this fucking bullshit of society.

I guess i am just tired of feeling like a caged animal. Always being stared at and having somebody wait until I fail or make mistakes. I need to be free live a life I have created, not one that somebody has pre-determined for me. I don't think I could live the typical American dream. I feel like I need to get out and start living life. As I grow older I continue to realize the pre-determined life is not a life I want to live. So here I am rewriting my life. Cheers to a new life. New dreams. New beginnings.

So as I conclude this rant of life, I leave you with one question?

Are you happy with your life?

love.peace.happiness

2 comments :

  1. Ruthie In The Sky said...

    You can leave whenever you darn well feel like it. :)

    That's the truth!

    Check-out the new photos on the Flickr photo badge on my blog.

    If you click those ruby slippers in your heart three times...the road will open up to you.

    Always remember and never forget:

    An open road is always better than shoulda, woulda, coulda.

  2. (chandelle) said...

    i just noticed that you link to me so i thought i'd check you out. :)

    if you read my blog you know that everything you said resonates with me very strongly, especially recently.

    i'll be back.