Saturday, June 14, 2008

Life at a glance

My life has its ups and its downs. Lately I seem to be in a rut, and lately I just need to let some emotions out. Usually I’m the happy go lucky type. I guess in this exact moment I’m just lost. I was that girl who didnt go right to college and settled down with the man of my dreams. I love who I am but like everyone else, I strive for change. Now part of me wants to do the whole college thing and do something I love (helping people) but another part of me doesn’t want to create roots. I want to get out and travel, I see so many people talk about how they wish their life was different. I don’t want to be the person who doubts where they are in life. I want to live my life without doubts, with no regrets. If I settle down and create roots will I regret not getting out and seeing the world. I hate depending on people, I wasn’t raised that way, I was raised to rely on myself and not others. I find myself depending on approval, acceptence, love, and help from others. I am not that person. I’m not content in my life, I suppose the only thing I truly am content with is my marriage. Most people consider me too young to settle down and create this love we share. But my husband is my other half. We compliment each other so well, and together we are a strong team. There is no I in our team, we both contribute 150% to our relationship. We stand up for each other and ourselves if needed. I grew up in an abusive home, and now am realizing that is past, and I have to move forward. Its been a long journey of depression and learning to love myself. I suppose lately I am teaching myself not to blame myself for what happened, and trying hard to let go of past feelings. I do hate the man who abused me, but keeping this hate is just destroying me. I have ended all communication with this person and they lady who let the abuse happen. It was hard, this lady gave birth to me, and I held her on this pedestal, but I knew if I continued talking to her I would always be the one who couldnt let go. My husband has helped in so many ways, helping me learn to love myself. He is my best friend, and I know its cliche but he is my best friend.

I dont know what this blog is to prove, but sometimes you have to let go and writing helps me get it out. I’ll probably post a variety of subjects here. So bare with me. If you have read than thanks, I know some of you dont know me but I am fine with that, some may not understand but I still understand. Thanks for listening. I guess stay tuned for next time.