So we've been planning. I love to plan as many of you may know, thing I hate about planning is that planning usually never goes the way you anticipate. But this time Chris and I are taking charge and going to make this plan work. Chris has a interview tomorrow making up to 13-15 dollars an hour, it isnt something he is entirely happy about doing but he realizes we need the money to pay off some debt and saving up the rest to get out of this town, out of his dads house, and on our own.

I know in the past I have talked about doing some crazy things like hair... Lately I have started to hate hair. So the past few weeks I sat myself set down and think of something that excites me, that interests me and makes me want to know more. Something that if I did I would still be interested in, later in life. So I sat and wondered, pondered. I went through childhood experiences that stick out to me. I always remember my grandma and mom taking things from the house and using them to heal me. I love those moments, we shared bonds and moments over those things. I find my self doing it to this day. So I looked at myself in the mirror and from that moment on I knew what I really wanted to do, needed to do. So I went to the computer and started looking for schools that taught this, and I found one up in Seattle. Bastyr College. Its a college that specializes in natural remedies. I want to go for herbal studies, and maybe farther from there. This is something I truly do feel passionate about and from reading the course and other things about the school I fell in love. Like the love I feel for someone love.

So here is our plan. We plan to live in Kansas until about next September, paying off some debt saving up money and planting a garden. Get us a van we arent sure if we are going to live in it when we get there but to have one just in case is good... I think to establish residency up there we are going to have to rent an apartment for at least a year or so. Then we can leave it and just go to school living in the van. We are not to sure but I feel we are going to have to live in Seattle a little bit before we can go to school. So get jobs up there and start living a new life. Chris is planning on still going for a pastry chef. He is very good. But that is our plan then after school we plan to get jobs with our professions and I plan to go for photography and stuff.

I cant wait to start our vegetable garden and MY HERB GARDEN!!!

Come on next summer.

Here are some of the stuff we plan to plant.


VEGETABLES
Lettuce
Cabbage
Tomatoes
Carrots
Squash butternut, spaghetti, zucchini, cucumbers
green beans
peas
melons
corn
peppers.


HERBS!!!
anise
borage
calendula
chamomile
comfrey
echincea
eyebright
feverfews
garlic
ginger
lavender
mugwort
nootka lupine
sage
st johns wort
basil
coriander
mint
lemon balm
rosemary
thyme
parsley
agrimony
catnip
soapwort
motherwort...

So here you guys go a good little blog for all of you a happy blog...

Lost

As I set here and try to figure out the perfect word to describe what I am feeling the only word that comes to mind is lost. It all comes down to feeling like I've failed, somewhere in life I have failed. I have had all communication from my family destroyed by one act of molestation when I was younger. I was not at fault my stepfather was and all the blame goes down on to me? I feel as though since I spoke up I was punished for an act that I did not commit. I can see why the average person does not stand up and speak up about an act of rape. If this is how they get viewed upon like they were the ones who was doing the raping. Life is so confusing right now, there is no justification for it.

Everything I thought I wanted, I second guess, because so far nothing that I have made a decision about has resulted in a good thing.

I am not really positive how much more I can take. Everything that was working so good is falling and falling fast. I am not sure how life got to be so shitty. How did I fuck up so bad this is the life we are forced to live? Couldn't I have had the ability to make it better, no I probably couldnt. With the saying everything happens for a reason and you are never given something that you cant handle. Well I am about at my breaking point.

I know for a reason there is people with more horrible lifes and are the happiest people, but I have had such a horrible life, i thought it was my time to have a good life. One everybody else was living. One a girl always dreams of. I am not the average girl. I want a small house with lots of acreage, kids, my husband, and love I would be so happy with minimum wage for the rest of my life.

Sorry a rant guys but it had to happen!

Life.

Before you read just know I am happy and enjoying time with Chris. My life is pretty easy right now. I just want more variety.

When one knows its time to leave but has no means on leaving, one gets frustrated. That one is me. I am so tired of knowing what to expect tomorrow. I try changing it up but its getting to the point that those one things only relieve me for the moment. No matter how much I fit into the day it is not getting it close to where we want to be. I enjoy life do not get me wrong. Seeing Chris all day everyday is the best moments of my life. I suspect not having a car has brought me into cabin fever. I know I could walk to places but when you live in suburbia Kansas. All you would wind up going to is the local strip mall but with no cool stores and boring places its no use. I want to just get out of here for awhile. Anybody want to come get us and take us away to a new place? I can not deal with with just couch surfing sponging off someone. Can it be so hard to be self sufficient. The economy is in the pits and it is so hard to find a job. Everyone is hiring but yet there are no jobs for us? That is a weird concept. Are they just that picky? Or am I? Life is getting very predictable, and I am one of those people who hate consistency. This is why van dwelling appeals to me beyond belief. Waking up in the morning in a new part of town, new state or a place unmarked. I am missing things from our time up in oregon. The scenery, the public transportation, the view, the ocean, the forests, and so much more. In Kansas we dont have much but we are known just for our fountains and our bbq. I dont want to live in a place so conservative and only known for those two things.

My ideal place to live would be by the ocean for I could swim all day everyday. Maybe soon I can do that. To wake up knowing something out there is greater than me. Creating something so magical so serene so calm.

I guess today is a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but its my mumbo jumbo.

Anyways on to nicer things my dreads are looking fabulous, they are knotting up very well. I get to see my puppy tomorrow so all is good there.

love.peace.happiness

Long awaited...

Well today we got too updates one... I dreaded my hair. It took about 10 hours and it was long and painful. I think I am exhausted not by how long it took but the pain... I'm happy with it though so yea.


Secondly our long awaited tie dye... First lets get the what you need and stuff out of the way.

You need:
Soda Ash/ or Sodium Carbonate(which we found you could buy at Wal-mart for way cheaper in the pool section)
Pro-cion MX dyes ( make sure you do not accidently buy acid dyes... they do not work for cotton call around to your local art stores)
Squirt bottles(like the ones you put ketchup in)( Make sure you buy more expensive ones though they last longer and do not leak unlike the cheap ones.
100% Cotton Material
A clean surface
A wire rack to the shirt on to dye
Gloves(make sure you wear these examples below)
And a Tub to catch excess dye.

Soda ash will last forever so keep it afterwards.

Ok we got our designs by chance and watching some videos on youtube.

ALright here we go


Spiral.


Double Spiral.

V shirt

Circle.


My wedding dress

Corner burst

Our duvet.
This is Why YOU WEAR gloves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So here you go these are our creations... hope you enjoy and dont forget to check youtube for some awesome tips on how to create these beauties.

Tied and Dyed.

We have been doing some tie dye over the last couple days and have came out with some pretty kick but tie dye... I can't wait to show you guys. But we are working on dying our duvet so after that is done we will post all of our beauties and show you how to come out with some remarkable pieces also... where to go what to use you know the whole nine yards so stay tuned.

Love.peace.happiness
Mandi

Sunshine on my raining days

As the drama starts coming to a end. I feel the warmth of sunshine breaking through the stormy clouds. The wet ground around me starts to dry up and all I got is sunshine. I've finally had the strength to release all the negativity in my life and start grasping and breathing in the positive. The positive has been repressed for a very long time, I almost lost sight on what was so positive in my life. So has I start living the positive, I must also leave the drama here. So here it goes, I am leaving Kansas in a few months, to travel with the biggest positive in my life. My husband. I have been so lost in the negative, I have been drowning out my husband. So we are about to begin our journey to positivity, I can feel the warmth.

So as we begin to depart from couch surfing, we start planning our future. After the whole dramatic performance of my sister running away. We decide to put of having kids for at least 5 years, allowing us to be ourselves and doing what we love. Which brings me to our next plan. We have decided to buy a van and convert it into our home for as long as possible. This way being able to travel when we want, save money and pay of debt. We hate paying money for such large of space when we only use a third of it. All of our stuff fits in one room with so much space left over. We plan to travel the southwest during the winter and then work our way up through the west coast up to oregon during the spring. We love this idea so much and I can hardly wait to buy a van and make it a homey little well home. Something we can just drive for hours not worrying about a apartment. So we will become vandwellers in the next two months if everything pans out the way I want it to.

So look forward to more happy posts, and more journey's and detailed information on our vandwelling trials and much deserved happiness. I know it might be a difficult road but I have nothing but hope.

Cheers to a new beginnings. One we deserve

It's time

If I had an inkling I was obligated to remain in Kansas it was diminished this last week. I was never good with drama it messes with me, and I never like the effects it plays on me. I don't take to well with empty threats either. So as I stew and trying to understand this last week, it's apparent to me that I am not responsible for any of this nor do I need to be. I also came to understand that the longer I stay and deal with this, the more depressed I become. So as I speak I also realize it's time , time to let go and get out. With no money its hard to make plans on leaving but at this point I am trying to sell some odd and end stuff, save that money and work for a few months. I can not change what has happened and its not in my hands. Why should I stay and deal with the problems that keep arising. I should have stuck it out in Portland, remaining there in a place with little drama and great opportunities. I love the feel up there and had no clue as to what to do with life now as we live here and deal with this. I had no clue what we were really coming back home to. I've dealt with this abuse for so long I just can't find the strength to deal with it anymore.

Its time to get out of our rut and live. Living is such a weird word for me and I haven't truly ever lived yet. My life has always been consumed and dictated by someone else. I have truly never had complete control of my life. I'm constantly having my life pulled and tugged on by others. But lately I'm feeling grouchy and when somebody starts talking about how I should live my life I wind up saying something totally rude. I suppose my mind and my body are on the same page but my heart is not. My heart has always tried to help someone, and it gets broken so many times because those ones I try to help never get the help they need, but my mind and body are done with this and are ready to start taking back their independence, and creating blocks from my heart. Allowing me to finally think about myself and nobody else, well and chris. My mind knows something is wrong and is trying so hard to find what is wrong. I think I need a break. Maybe it is time for me to run away is it running away if you are an adult, or escaping. Either way I'm going to escape and live.

There is no way to win the fight I face, so I wash my hands of this and allow it to be handled by the real people responsible. That person is not me.

So here is my plan. Chris is going to get a temp job, making about 400-500 a week. We are going to save up all that money, buy a van. Then continue to work there for a little longer. Once we get the van we are going to throw a stone on the united states and whatever it lands on we will check out. We will then plan on how much we need to get there, how much gas, the prices of gas, and buy a bunch of canned food and live from our van. I know it sounds wild but it really isn't not as wild as to what is going on in my life at the moment.

Hopefully soon I can write a uplifting blog but at this moment its pretty dim, and depressing and I am sorry.