Lost

As I set here and try to figure out the perfect word to describe what I am feeling the only word that comes to mind is lost. It all comes down to feeling like I've failed, somewhere in life I have failed. I have had all communication from my family destroyed by one act of molestation when I was younger. I was not at fault my stepfather was and all the blame goes down on to me? I feel as though since I spoke up I was punished for an act that I did not commit. I can see why the average person does not stand up and speak up about an act of rape. If this is how they get viewed upon like they were the ones who was doing the raping. Life is so confusing right now, there is no justification for it.

Everything I thought I wanted, I second guess, because so far nothing that I have made a decision about has resulted in a good thing.

I am not really positive how much more I can take. Everything that was working so good is falling and falling fast. I am not sure how life got to be so shitty. How did I fuck up so bad this is the life we are forced to live? Couldn't I have had the ability to make it better, no I probably couldnt. With the saying everything happens for a reason and you are never given something that you cant handle. Well I am about at my breaking point.

I know for a reason there is people with more horrible lifes and are the happiest people, but I have had such a horrible life, i thought it was my time to have a good life. One everybody else was living. One a girl always dreams of. I am not the average girl. I want a small house with lots of acreage, kids, my husband, and love I would be so happy with minimum wage for the rest of my life.

Sorry a rant guys but it had to happen!